This article has been transcribed from our webinar, The Battle of the Mind: Practical Ways to Support Children’s Mental Wellbeing.
This topic is something that feels really important to me. I come to you not as a mental health professional, but as someone who’s been in ministry to kids and teens for 30 years now. And I’ve seen multiple cultural shifts in that time.
The shift that I’m seeing right now is something that keeps me up at night. And I just keep thinking; how can we do this better? In my role today, I get to interact a lot with students, teenagers. And as I’m having conversations with them, I feel like maybe I missed some opportunities when they were younger. A lot of these kids were in my children’s ministry, and now they’re in youth group. There are things I feel like we could have done better.
Of course, hindsight is always 20/20. I don’t have all the answers. In fact, I don’t have a lot of the answers, but I just really believe that we need to have a conversation about supporting children’s mental health at church.
It’s important for us to help kids experience God—not only in the good but also help them see where God is when things feel bad. If we don’t do this, then they turn to other avenues, some positive and some negative. Because when bad doesn’t go away, they don’t know what to do to process all of those things.
I am really starting to feel like this is an epidemic.
Supporting Children’s Mental Health at Church
I oversee our family ministry, so I go to all our youth group activities, and I just end up hanging out with them. And I talk to them and I’m hearing more from high schoolers that they are navigating mental health issues. Along with this, I’ve had to journey with a fifth grader who lost his mom to self-harm last year. And we continue to journey with him. Plus, we’ve recently had few high schoolers that entered rehab or residency.
I keep hearing from parents that there’s another child who died by suicide in their school community. And I’m like, is this ever going to end? In my personal life, I’ve had two of my good friends lose their sons to suicide in the last two years. And I’ve been journey with them in their grief, and I am really starting to feel like this is an epidemic.
As a church, we really need to start addressing what this generation is feeling.
3 Things We Can Do Better for Children’s Mental Health at Church
This is a starting point. It’s not going to look perfect and it’s going to be hard.
1. Build a Structure Where Every Child and Family Are Seen and Known
One way we’ve helped families feel seen and known is by starting a small group for our kids. Our goal is to have one adult to eight kids. It feels feasible for leaders to invest in relationships with the kids as they do life together as much as possible.
We’ve also started creating intergenerational community groups. These are groups where every age and stage can be part of the community together. People can meet midweek, have dinner, and connect.
We’re just trying to leverage every opportunity possible to surround families with community that loves Jesus.
Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?
Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?
Ready to help parents create an environment for spiritual growth?
2. Provide a Safe Space for Children to Process Emotions
One thing I’m realizing more and more is that kids need space to grieve. They need emotionally secure environments. We’re just so quick to jump to the happy ending. They actually deserve room to breathe.
When I was chatting with my friend who lost her son to suicide, she asked me, “Hey, Glo, will I ever feel normal again?” And I told her, “No. Whatever that normal is, no. Because you’re forever changed and you’re going to feel grief for the rest of your life.”
I lost my mom 45 years ago. I was eight years old, and I still grieve in my fifties. Right. That never goes away. I don’t know if our goal is to feel normal again, whatever that means. I think our goal is to lean into Jesus as we live with grief and pain and disappointments.
But what’s really beautiful about that is He also gives us moments of joy and hope in the midst of what feels hard and yucky. And there are days when we feel more joy and hope, and there are days when we feel more grief. I believe that abiding in Jesus means leaning into hard things knowing that there is hope, because we know that Jesus will one day fix the brokenness of this world. But as long as we’re on this side of heaven, we just do our best.
Sometimes it’s giving them space at church for less “perfect” answers, and more honest ones regarding their mental health. We need to help kids understand that we can go to God with all our emotions, good and bad. And they need confidence that God and the adults in their lives will meet them where they are and journey with them.
I believe that abiding in Jesus means leaning into hard things knowing that there is hope, because we know that Jesus will one day fix the brokenness of this world.
3. Pursue Relationships with Parents
Ministry happens best in the context of real relationships and not programs. Now, good programs are good. I believe in doing every program with excellence. Ministry is really all about relationships though.
Relationships are hard, and they’re messy. And parents probably won’t come to you because they think you’re busy. But you shouldn’t be too busy to connect with families.
Kids, teens, and parents always take priority over planning. Invite them to a meal or coffee and talk. Learn about them and discover ways to better support them. Sit with them and remind them that they are not alone. Genuinely care for them.
Together, We Can Help Children
These steps are not easy, but you don’t need to do this alone. Find your people and do it with them. Have friends, coworkers, counselors, and family come alongside you in support. Oftentimes we underestimate how much Jesus loves us and how much He wants for us. We want every child, every teenager, and every adult to take care of themselves the way Jesus would care for us.
in the trenches of ministry just like you. And my heart is to point every child to Jesus and to walk alongside them as they get to know Him, love Him, and follow Him. And really, that’s discipleship at its core.
I’ve come to believe that the discipling the next generation isn’t just about Bible verses and Sunday mornings. It’s about helping kids figure out how to navigate real life—the messy, hard, and confusing at times. It also has really, really good stuff. We need to help kids navigate real life considering who Jesus is and who we are as His children—through the highs and lows, the celebrations and the grief.
Let’s continue to have this conversation so we can do ministry better and hopefully turn the trajectory in the future for our teens and our kids.
