After teaching one Sunday, I was fervently praying the kids wouldn’t ask any questions when I finished. Words including “conceived,” “virgin,” “womb,” and “made love to her” were peppered throughout the Bible reading and the memory verse, I had declared this weekend was a bit too high on the “reproductive talk.” And though every word had come from Scripture, I squirmed as much as the kids, knowing the questions that could easily come from the 5th grade boys all the way down to the 1st grade girls.
I ended with an Amen, slipped off the stage, and left the inquiring minds to the small group leaders.
Tough Questions Kids Ask
Kids are curious. They are likely to ask their toughest questions in the context of relationships with people they trust. And this group often includes the people who love and care for them at church. So how can we best equip ourselves, our volunteers, and our parents to answer their questions as they arise?
Brooklyn was in 3rd grade when she made an appointment with me to come and talk. She came in with a notebook, and the first few pages were filled with questions. Her mom—overwhelmed after a barrage of questions had been fired her way—had blurted out, “Let’s go ask Pastor Courtney!”
Kids are curious.
I was happy to oblige, to satisfy the curiosity of this child, to give respect to her spiritual exploration, and to help give her mom the confidence to answer these questions in the future.
In general, how should we approach questions that feel difficult to answer, for whatever reason?
How to Respond to Tough Questions
Here are the guidelines I use, both as a ministry leader and a parent:
Avoid “shock and awe.”
When a shocking question comes out of a child’s mouth, be sure to check your own reaction. This includes your facial expressions and body language. You never want a child to feel as if they shouldn’t inquire about something to a safe adult. When kids don’t feel like they can ask questions of the trusted adults around them, they will search in less safe places—like the internet.
I would rather they come to their trusted adults. So make sure the child feels safe and valued in their wondering. It will help them to come to you in the future.
Discern what the actual question is.
We have a statue of Jesus and the children outside of our church. One day there was an unfortunate snowplow accident, and the statue had to temporarily be removed for repair. A 2nd grader and her dad approached me a few weeks later, and, with a concerned look on her face, she asked, “When is Jesus coming back?”
My mind immediately began racing with how I would respond to this deep theological, tough question a child asked. I began digging into my knowledge of eschatology. I started with, “Well, Jesus says no one knows the day or the hour, so we need to be ready for His return …”
Her dad started to giggle and jumped in to clarify. “She means the Jesus statue!”
Well, that would be coming on Tuesday around noon.
Make sure the child feels safe and valued in their wondering. It will help them to come to you in the future.
Obviously, this is different from some of the questions you may get. But, often, the way a child asks a question is misinterpreted by the adults around them. We may try to go too deep, or even start to explain things that are far beyond what they wanted to or needed to know, and in the process cause ourselves to panic!
Ask a few additional questions. Such as, “When did you think of this question?”
Or ask, “Were you reading a certain Bible story when you thought of this?”
This will help you gain context and know where to start with your response.
Find the feelings.
Another good clarifying question when asked a tough question by a kid is, “How does that make you feel?” or “Is there a feeling you’re having about that?” For example, sometimes a question about the imagery of Revelation is really a question about fear, and our response should center on who God is, not as much on what the imagery represents.
What if We're Failing Kids at Faith Formation? (And How Not To)
What if We're Failing Kids at Faith Formation? (And How Not To)
What if We're Failing Kids at Faith Formation? (And How Not To)
Evoke wonder.
One of our favorite phrases in my house is, “Some things we wonder, and some things we Google.” Sometimes, we don’t need to answer a question, we just need to wonder about it together.
Generally speaking, preschoolers are OK with wondering without an answer. (Any answer you give will often result in a “Why?” response anyway.) But elementary-age kids are explorers and scientists and want to know the answer. It is OK for kids to understand that, sometimes, we just need to wonder about things.
We may not have answers to the tough questions kids ask, and that’s OK. We can sit and wonder about them, and them may move us deeper in our relationship with God.
Sometimes, the answer is simple and can be looked up quickly, and that’s OK too.
Use the Scientific Method.
Elementary-age kids are especially ready to explore the questions and are gaining independence in their reading and reasoning skills. Teach them to make an observation, form a hypothesis about the answer (what do THEY think is the answer), and then test that hypothesis through Scripture and the experiences they have had and their trusted adults have had.
They will gain confidence in using the tools available to them and be set up for success as they eventually move into middle school. This also helps kids who may be questioning faith because of their own intelligence or reasoning.
When we show that we don’t fear the scientific way they are being taught to investigate things at school, kids learn that their faith and their intelligence don’t need to be at odds with each other.
Our kids’ questions should be an encouragement that they are wondering about who God is and what He has done!
Ask the right person.
Kids’ questions around faith and Scripture generally fall into a few categories: simple factual questions, questions about things in God’s Word that just don’t make sense to our human minds or our cultural context, questions that may be about more sensitive topics, and theological questions.
If one of my volunteer leaders is asked a question they can answer directly from the Bible, I tell them to go ahead and answer the question.
If the question is of a more sensitive nature, such as “What does virgin mean?” I tell them to give a simple, and true, answer, such as “A virgin is an unmarried woman.”
And if the child inquires further, or if another child in the group tries to give deeper information, I tell them to explain, “That’s a question you should probably talk with your parents about.” And then we make sure to inform the parents!
If they ask a theological question that the volunteer cannot answer with a direct Scripture reference, we ask that they call on a staff pastor. We also reassure parents and volunteers that sometimes a great response is: “I don’t know, let’s ask someone who might have already explored that!” In this response, you show value to the child’s question and don’t dismiss it.
Encourage Kids in Their Curiosity
Our kids’ questions should be an encouragement that they are wondering about who God is and what He has done! The tough questions kids ask are signs of their curiosity to know more. Next time a child asks you a question that makes you “gasp” or “gulp,” take a moment to ask God for wisdom and respond with wonder, curiosity, and discernment.
More from Courtney
Check out more helpful articles from Courtney Wilson here!
