Be enraptured once again by the love of God that is so wide, long, high, and deep, and that roots down into us and keeps us strong.
I sat out on the back patio of a beautiful ranch house in the middle of a forest in Montana where I was on retreat for a week. A question sat in front of me in my journal: Ask Jesus to show you who the committee members are who live in your head.
God was taking me through a discernment process to learn what His voice sounded like and what His voice didn’t sound like. I began to name a few loud internal voices that sounded a lot like shame, striving, and suffering.
I’ll admit that even though I’d served in ministry for nearly 20 years, my auto-pilot condition was to equate the condemnation that came from these voices with God’s voice. I’d hear a voice saying, “Get it together! You can’t mess up!” and assume God expected perfection. As I sat in the shadow of majestic snow-capped mountains and giant evergreens, I started naming my committee members.
Hearing God
Naming What I Was Listening To
Shamey was the one always reminding me of the weight I needed to lose. She highlighted my lack and inexperience and listed all the ways I wasn’t enough as a mom, wife, friend, and co-worker. She knew I’d never amount to anything.
And then there was Strivella (you know … like Cruella) who chided me into proving my worth, always trying to stay on top and not get caught off guard. Just one more book. One more conference. One more podcast. You have got to have the answer! She expected more, much more. And it was an adrenal-fatigue level of exhaustion to keep delivering.
And finally, I named Sufferina. She was the voice telling me that I don’t get to have any fun. That adventure (which my heart craved) would always get stolen. That my life doesn’t get to be easy and I have no say in changing it. Loss would always be a part of my story, and I would always wear grief as a heavy layer of clothing.
Do you recognize any of these voices?
Maybe you’ve heard an internal voice full of unmet expectations. You ride on the shame of should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, and you hear a critical and judgmental God.
Or you hear a threatening voice that God is waiting for your flaws to show so He can strike you when you’re down. Or you expect Him to slap you upside the head to get you to come to your senses. Maybe you’ve come to believe that He’s lined up a difficult life for you–giving you trials where you experience trauma, death, pain, (fill in the blank) to teach you some kind of lesson.
Re-Remembering God’s Voice
Maybe our first step is to re-remember what God’s voice sounds like.
As kids’ ministry leaders, we can live as if God expects us to save everyone else. We hear, “Don’t you dare pause to care for yourself. That is selfish. There is more to do, more to save. Do not let this ball drop. You better fill that hole. If you don’t step up, no one else will.”
Oh, what tragedy when we equate these voices with the voice of God! What tragedy when we think those kinds of thoughts and words come from the One who created us out of an overflow and abundance of love. The One who delights in us, sings over us, calls us to come close, wants to teach us and lead us, offers an easy yoke, humbled Himself to save us, has called us friend, abides with us, prepares a place for us, and pursues us!
Maybe our first step is to re-remember what God’s voice sounds like.
James 3:17 reminds me of what His voice stirs up in me: “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.”
Sit with each of those words. Reflect on how they land in your mind, on your soul, how they feel in your body. God’s voice will sound like this wisdom from above.
God Is Love
And then turn to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 to hear God’s tone toward you: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”
Read that again and replace the word love with the word God. This sounds a lot like the God from Zephaniah 3:17. Can you hear His voice of delight singing over you? Ask Him what the song He sings over you sounds like. His voice brings life!
Discerning God’s Voice
When I listen for Him, I have a few questions and practices I use to discern His voice.
- I ask, “Is this God’s voice of love or the enemy’s voice of fear?” As I take each thought captive, I ask God to reveal what that thought is rooted in.
- Sheep aren’t born knowing the shepherd’s voice. The more they spend time with him, the more familiar his voice becomes. It takes time as I get to know my Father more and more. I resist making up answers, and instead embrace patience and humility, because I know that my Father wants to talk to me. And He is trustworthy, even when I don’t feel clarity.
- When one of my committee member’s voices pops up, I acknowledge her (“Oh, hey there Shamey!”) and let her know it isn’t her turn to talk. And I remind myself of the truth of my Father by meditating on Scripture. I love Psalm 27 and 34 for a recentering on Him.
- Time with my Father isn’t about an evaluation or getting answers. It is a conversation with my best friend. An interactive relationship where He leads me, teaches me, delights in me, gives me rest, rescues and protects me. And out of this space, I listen and obey with joy! Psalm 37 says that He delights in every detail of our lives. God wants to talk with me and do this life with me! He wants the very same with you!
Remembering God’s Love
May we, as kids’ ministry leaders, be enraptured once again by the love of God that is so wide, long, high, and deep, and that roots down into us and keeps us strong. In this new year, as you dream about what is next in your ministry and disciple kids and their families, my prayer is that you hear God say, “Come and talk with me. And your heart responds with, ‘Lord, I am coming.’” (Ps 27:8).
