This article was transcribed from portions of the Building a Healthy Ministry: Relationships are Central webinar. You can watch the full video here.
I love that I get to talk about relationships because I love relationships. I also find relationships very draining at times. Let’s keep that honest. And I want to caution all of us ministry leaders to make sure we don’t have an angle when it comes to these relationships.
I want us always to be careful that we are not using relationships as an angle to get what we need or get what we want or to feel better about ourselves. When I think about healthy ministry relationships, it’s important to start from a place of wanting to know people. It’s about genuinely caring about people.
And I think we’ve seen enough church hurt and enough Christian hurt through the years because of people who had an angle to be friends with others. And that’s always hard, especially when we’re in children’s ministry. In kids’ ministry, we know we need to be relational, but we also really need our relational people to do things for us.
Every time I have surrendered the needs of my ministry over to God, He covers it first. He takes care of it. Instead of me being a shark in the water looking for who can I get to serve, I must surrender it to God.
If relationships are tricky for you, God is not surprised by that. And He isn’t going to punish you with fewer people because it’s hard for you. We don’t serve that kind of God. Give Him what you have, give Him who you are, and allow Him to use you in the way that He desires.
1) God Initiated Relationship First
We get to follow God’s lead. He knows who we are and what we need. He initiated relationship with us (see Romans 5:8). And we are imperfect people who need Jesus.
If relationships are tricky for you, God is not surprised by that.
Sometimes we have to remember that as people who love Jesus, we need to act like we love Jesus. Humility will help us have the right perspective. Part of loving Jesus is knowing we need Him to work in and through us because we aren’t perfect.
God moved toward us right where we were at. In the same way, we should see value in other people right where they are, not in a different version of themselves that we ‘want’ them to be.
Ask yourself: What would Jesus do? How would Jesus handle that?
Ultimately, He would love them, He would move toward them, and He would meet them where they’re at and just simply love them.
So when it comes to relationships, we’re talking about loving them or just loving people. And again, if you can love people, then you don’t have an angle because you’re just loving them regardless of where they’re at.
2) Created in the Imago Dei
I love Genesis where it reminds us that we’re created in the image of God. I’m an image bearer. You’re an image bearer. Therefore, we have worth. Our worth is not found in anything other than the fact that we are image bearers of God Almighty.
When we remember that people are image bearers and we’re image bearers, it changes how we treat people.
We can look at the golden rule. But even further than that, remember that other people are image bearers. They’re worthwhile. God has called them and loves them. Therefore, who am I to treat them any less than?
When we’re in ministry leadership, we must take initiative to reach out and love, especially when it’s messy or inconvenient or hard. Some of my best relationships through the years have been reaching out in love to people that will never actually volunteer in my children’s ministry. That will never actually end up serving. But they are people who matter.
Relationships are not a bonus in ministry. They are literally the pathway in which we spread the gospel. God uses relationships to change lives.
3) People are Not Projects
People are not projects. They’re priceless. Read Ephesians 2:10 and Psalm 139.
God moves toward us right where we were at. In the same way, we should see value in other people right where they are.
However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t put up good boundaries. There are people who will drain the life out of you. Jesus never showed us that we’re meant to sacrifice ourselves on the altar of trying to help someone else. Only Jesus can accomplish that. It was His sacred calling.
People are His handiwork. Every child, parent, and volunteer you’re serving is a masterpiece with value and purpose. Every single one of them. We are made by God for God.
And that is what matters. The meaning of life is we are made for God.
I love to be practical. Pray for the people in your life. For the ‘hard ones,’ ask God to give you a love for this person.
Allow the Holy Spirit to work in you.
How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout
How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout
How to Guard Yourself from Ministry Burnout
4) Walk with Jesus
You see, evangelism and discipleship are not effective without relationship. Ask questions like: How do you go home loving Jesus? How do you walk with Jesus?
Discipleship is so important. Discipleship thrives in the soil of relationship. I think that’s where people grow. It’s so important that we live out walking with Jesus in front of them and with them. You see, discipleship is showing the way, but it’s also walking alongside one another.
Be delighted to share God’s gospel but your life as well. That’s the heart of discipleship. We share our lives. We do this because we love, not because we’re trying to get something.
God will give you what you need, but make sure you’re also doing what you need for your soul. So, if you’re going to be highly relational for the day or for the moment or whatever, do it and then take a break. It’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to get recharged, and it’s okay to step away. Do it.
You don’t need to be like the person next to you who thrives on people 24/7. That’s also a form of health.
5) You’re Planting Seeds
Lastly, when we take time to show up consistently and invest in people, we’re planting seeds. We’re planting seeds that grow into things we may never see. Children’s ministry is sometimes the hardest because we often don’t get to see the fruit. The fruit is these kids growing into teenagers, young adults, young parents, on and on who love Jesus, who were filled by the Holy Spirit at a young age.
And we got to be a part of the ride that that is the fruit. We don’t always get to see that.
But be encouraged that you are doing good work in Christ Jesus as you build relationships with others and walk with Him.
See More from Melissa J. MacDonald
- How to Heal When Reconciliation Isn’t Possible
- How to Create Space for Kids to Lead
- Ministry Leader, God Was Made for This—Trust Him
- Serving People When They’re Hard to Love
- 5 Things to Remember When Ministry Gets Hard
- When Kids Walk Away from Their Faith
- Created for Wonder: How to Recapture Wonder in Your Life
- Spiritual Formation in the Church, Home, and Community
- How to Welcome Families and Engage Kids in Big Church
- Take a New Grip: Encouragement for Children’s Ministers
- The Importance of Faith Formation in Your Volunteers
